ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
