I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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