Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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