My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
