You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The ass gains better be worth it
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
