My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
