I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
