Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
