shes about as inviting as chlamydia
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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