he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
