sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
