question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
