We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
