Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
