woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We need to get me chipped asap
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
