I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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