we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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