i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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