We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
