1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
