Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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