my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
