Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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