Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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