the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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