It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
