Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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