Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
