you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize