you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
