YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
