Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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