once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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