there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize