I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
