i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
