i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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