My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize