So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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