i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
