I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
