So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
