I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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