So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
