im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I want a musical about memes.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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