btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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