just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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