the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
