True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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