The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
