That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
