I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
