I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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