I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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