im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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