I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
