There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
