saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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