How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
