Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
