How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
