i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize