I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
