You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
17 year olds will be the death of me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
