Can i not drive my cunt home
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
