I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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