Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
