Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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